If you are single, ask yourself this, ‘are you ready for a good relationship?’
If you have come out of a bad relationship, most probably you will say that you would like to experience a kind and loving relationship the next time around, even if you feel you are not ready to start dating again. This is as it should be. But there are always exceptions to the rule. I know some women who are still attracted to the proverbial bad boy, needing a man with a little edge, but, that edge can border on the selfish, thoughtless or even cruel. We may be drawn towards those who are confident and good-looking but, most women would love to have a kind and nurturing relationship and to feel truly cared for.
The problem when you have endured a toxic relationship is that you can lose sense of your own identity and lose the ability to make positive decisions or to even stick up for yourself. Even those who break free may struggle to form a strong relationship as they have poor romantic foundations on which to judge new liaisons.
But how do you know if you are ready to move on and to develop that good relationship?
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I asked myself this a lot over the years and came to the conclusion that I had to trust my instinct and would know when the time came. Of course, I had no idea that it would take as long as it did. During my years of singledom, I faced a lot of comments from close friends who were perhaps, mildly exasperated by my inability to have any sort of decent relationship but, although I did walk away from many potential love interests, do you know what? I really think I did so for the right reasons.
It took me a long time to realise that I deserved to have a good relationship and just because previous partners obviously hadn’t valued me, that didn’t make their opinions count. It’s never easy to discount the continuous verbal put-downs, but somehow, you have to find the strength to do so. It’s only when you get to the stage where irrespective of the words or actions used by others, you really do know your own worth, that you will be ready to move on.
I actually had to give myself permission in the end. That may sound a bit strange but years of pulling the shutters down and saying I’m not available for love, meant that I had formed new protective behaviours and opening myself up for romance meant I had to purposely push the barriers to one side.
I decided I would give people a chance to prove their worth and not look for obvious flaws in the first instance. If any man was not suitable or, just unkind, this would become obvious quite quickly. Those who couldn’t be bothered or were just unreliable, I accepted that they were not right for me. I didn’t feel malice or anger, I simply discarded any thoughts of any romantic feelings. I was in control and that’s the best way to be. I allowed my heart to warm towards potential love interests but I also engaged my brain. I knew I had to break the cycle of abusive relationships. It was down to me and I certainly deserved more. Anyone who gave me their time and who made more of an effort was welcomed in and that’s the way it has been.
I can tell you that it’s a nice feeling when someone relishes your company for who you are and not for what you can give them.
If, romantically, you have suffered, you are more likely to be vulnerable and likely to attract the same time of character. So, my advice is, instead of rushing into a relationship, spend time developing and nurturing your sense of self-worth, it is so important you do this because if you don’t believe in yourself, why would others? Believe me when I say that if you have self-doubts, low self-esteem and an inability to love yourself, you may as well hang a giant sign around your neck saying ‘treat me badly.’ It’s not because you want this of course, it’s just that the wrong type of men will be drawn to the signals that you put out.
At strategic points in your life, ask yourself, are you ready for a good relationship? There will come a time when you say yes and really mean it and that’s when you’ll attract someone who is kind and decent and he will enhance your life and not destroy it.
If you have suffered from emotional abuse, take a look at my book: Emotional Abuse – Get Out of My Head and Out of My Bed! It’s available on Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com
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