by Annette Young
We all know that relationships are difficult and what starts off as a match made in heaven, can over time splinter and fragment leaving the very foundations of the relationship beyond salvage. But many of us fall for the wrong types in a romantic sense, there is discord beneath the romantic liaison and so the relationship is doomed from the start.
If you are a naturally giving person, you may have found yourself with someone who is cold emotionally and who finds it hard to show feelings. This alone can cause conflict in a relationship. Most people search for a relationship that is built on trust and compassion; there is an intrinsic need to feel safe within any partnership and there has to be balance with mutual love and respect. Yet for so many of those who have experienced cold or abusive relationships, it can seem an ever elusive task.
While mulling over the possibilities of why some people struggle to achieve commitment and love, it made me wonder why so many of us fall for people who are so incapable of loving in return. After a great deal of analysing, I realized that many people – and this includes men and women, often feel that they are not deserving of more. When I talk to friends about this, it’s always met with mixed reactions. Who wants to admit that they feel less than worthy? But it’s easy to say yes, I deserve more, but think, is that really the truth deep down inside?
We can all say we deserve more and of course, the reality is that we all do deserve healthy relationships, no-one should ever be made to feel like a victim emotionally or physically. No-one should suffer vindictiveness or coldness within a relationship and yet it happens on a daily basis. If you ask yourself whether you deserve more, take a look at your deepest feelings confined in your very core first because it’s easy to cheat yourself into thinking one thing and yet mean something entirely different. Let’s change the question – have you ever wondered if someone will truly want you in the future?
If your sense of self-worth is low, you may find yourself considering all the reasons why you won’t attract anyone. Perhaps you feel less than attractive? You feel unsatisfied in life in comparison to others? You feel too fat or too thin? Low self-esteem will have you second guessing every aspect of your life and it’s these core insecurities that cause much of the problems and make you feel less than whole. These doubts will infiltrate not just your present but your future happiness too.
If this sounds familiar, consider trying to get to the root of the reason as to why you experience less than loving relationships and how you feel about yourself. If you have experienced damaging relationships and your confidence has been impacted, take time to build up this aspect of yourself instead before rushing into a new relationship. Your self-esteem or, lack of it will make a huge difference to the fruitfulness of future relationships.
I know I deserve much better relationships than I have experienced to date. What about you?
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