by Annette Young
Overcoming trust issues – it’s impossible isn’t it? If you have been badly hurt and your life, your self-esteem and your confidence has plummeted like a rock and it takes all your effort to simply paste a smile on your face each day, surely, trust will be a thing of the past?
A disastrous or manipulative relationship can certainly affect you in ways that you don’t even realise. It can make you paranoid. It can make you angry. You may start looking out for any sign of possible rejection, the first hint of a derogatory remark and, you may even play out imaginary scenarios in your mind.
The bad news is, that as a victim of abuse, you will have been damaged in some way.
The good news is that there is always the possibility of overcoming trust issues and finding a decent, caring and healthy relationship in time. But I will make one thing very clear. Those with severe trust issues and deep, dark memories of an abusive relationship will not be able to move on and welcome in a positive, nurturing relationship without clearing out the emotional angst first. Acknowledging that you have problems is the first painful but empowering step, but facing up to resolving it is yet another. With help, it’s possible to face up to and to deal with the bitterness and anger and the suspicions.
But you have to want to.
Overcoming trust issues takes time. It also means you have to be kind with yourself. Physical wounds heal slowly but in a visible way, emotional traumas and deeply rooted sadness can take years. Understanding why you lack trust is important, learning techniques to help you let go of suspicions will also benefit you. I’ve endured much on a personal level and have had my fair share of a tortured mind, but I know I am not alone in that. I do know that there are nice, caring individual’s out there all looking for a decent person, but if you are seeking love, you will frighten them away if you don’t deal with your own issues first.
Many women who have experienced damaging relationships will fall into the self-destruct mode and will experience swift inter-changing emotions – from liking to fearing to liking and then sabotaging, all within minutes. This comes from having a low self-esteem and an inability to see yourself in a positive light. Knowing when you start doing this will help you to control it, but it takes time to learn new positive behaviours and to mean them.
I have every sympathy for women who fall into this destructive cycle of behaviour, but I also know that unless those women learn to stop this cycle, any potential new loving relationships will fall foul to self-destructive actions, however nice and kind a man might be, or how sorry you feel for being so irrational.
Overcoming trust issues starts like this; can you honestly blame any new man in your life for the antics of a former partner?
Every new person who enters your life should be judged on their behaviour towards you now, not for any negative behaviour that you may have experienced in the past.
Image courtesy of [stuartmiles] at FreeDigitalPhotos.net