Looking away

When You Know It’s Toxic – It’s Time to Go

by Annette Young

We all long to have a perfect relationship and spend a great deal of time and effort trying to find a soul mate, that perfect other who will complete our lives. Sometimes though, we fail to recognise dangerous elements within an individual, we fall for the gloss, the wonderful exterior, the facade that could be perilous.  We fall in love with a person who doesn’t really exist. It may be a highly polished act or just appealing to us individually, but if it’s fake, an act, part of a polished performance, we will soon start to see the nasty side of the relationship. When there is an edge, a sinister underbelly to the loving partnership, its toxicity threatens to spill out and poison.

If it sounds dangerous, then know this, it is.  A toxic relationship will drain the life out of your partnership and gradually impact how you think, feel and act. It will drain your energy and eradicate your confidence.  Think you are too strong to let this happen? Think again, a toxic relationship doesn’t announce its intentions ….the poison trickles into your life, it erodes good old common sense, it squeezes your heart, it sends confusing signals around your body – fear, trust issues, doubt, regret and emotional hurt. It also causes deep apprehension in your belly where your gut feeling will be tied up in knots.  The hardest thing will be to feel your sense of self gradually slipping away.

At some point you may become worried about saying anything – it’s always wrong after all, you’ll get fed up of being called stupid, or, your partner accusing you of trying to cause an argument. If you could just stand back  and look at the situation from the outside, you’ll realise that the blame will always be laid at your feet. You’ll stop being you and you’ll worry about every little thing,  you will become a shadow of your former self.

There will be a battle. Your intuition will say get the hell out and your heart will beg you to stay. Coming to the realization that its your happiness vs. your peace of mind will enable you to see things a little more clearly.  The gradual demise as you  lose control and your partner gains it all could be the final nail in the coffin if you allow it to be, after all, who wants to live in a relationship where treading on eggshells and being controlled is the norm?

Opening your eyes to potential options is recommended -taking the chance to escape when you can but it’s so, so hard when you are in the midst of it all. Unfortunately, the longer the situation remains, the harder it will be to break free.

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